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Unresolved

08 Jan

Being tagged for a New Year’s Resolution meme has prompted a little reflection.  I’ve already bored you all with the long-term smallholding plans, but I’ve been struggling to think of any project I have underway that might yield results within the year.

I’m experimenting with a new chicken run, to discover whether limited access to the vegetable patch results in pest control and fertilisation or total annihilation of all plant and invertebrate life in the region.  And, of course, there’s always another hoop to jump through at work, another demand for proof that I still know how to give injections, dress wounds and talk reassuringly to people in pain, in case I’ve suddenly forgotten everything I’ve been doing for the last fourteen years.  I wouldn’t dispute that nurses need to keep up with developments in their field, but in all my time on A&E – sorry, Priority and Fastrack Customer Care – I’ve never seen a development that changes the essential nature of what people need and want from us, only new procedures, insurances and acronyms that get in the way of providing it.  Career development means nothing more than running on the spot.

I don’t really want to list anything work-related as a personal resolution, anyhow.  I’d like to say I’ll spend more time with my family, but Sue’s job is as manic as mine, and Sarah’s 17 now and has her own hectic social life when she’s not taking the car apart.

In a rare moment of all being in the house without anybody imminently needing to be elsewhere, I sounded them out about working visits to some permaculture communities over the summer, research and recreation in one.  They feel the logistics are unlikely to come together, what with Sarah’s work placement, Sue’s job, my job, the chickens… Mention was made, again, of the previous life-changing plans, the self-sustaining summerhouse of recycled materials that never got planning permission, the European mini-van adventure that was whittled down to a caravan holiday in Cornwall.  Well, we still have the caravan: it sits, static and accusatory, at the bottom of the garden, gathering moss on its wheels.  Sarah uses it as a quiet place to do her homework, though she sometimes does her homework with very loud music and at least three friends.

I’ve come to the conclusion that significant change in my life would require wider changes in the world beyond, in the daily necessities that persistently force me to delay my plans.  I’d like to resolve to rekindle the part of me that once thought I could change that world, and give a suitable legacy to my parents.  The revolution they ran from in 1980 had turned on them, but their failure to change Iran for the better never dulled their determination that ordinary people can make a difference by making a noise, and they were noisy to the end – especially in crowded restaurants.  I’ve been quiet since 2015, and I don’t know whether I have the time, strength or resolve to find a voice again now.  The world has a tendency to get in the way of our plans to change it.

I’ll just be quietly glad that my participation in the Extreme Research conservation project in Vietnam actually happened last year, though it seems a distant oasis now.  What I would like for this year is the space and time to pursue further adventures, but if that’s ever going to happen all I can really afford to do now is work, and defer my resolutions for another year.

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17 Comments

Posted by on January 8, 2026 in moaning, planning

 

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17 responses to “Unresolved

  1. Elaine

    January 8, 2026 at 12:48 pm

    Good luck with that holiday – personally, I prefer to go off into the wilderness at the weekend with a rucksack. None of this co-operating with a bunch of strangers to grow your own lentils, give me a tin of beans and a good 20 miles distance from the next human being and that’s my R&R.

     
    • Ash

      January 8, 2026 at 12:51 pm

      I was about to reply that Sue may have something to say about me setting off on another expedition without her, but it seems she’s in agreement with you! I can see the attraction of a bit of isolated outback, but I think I’d rather not be alone.

       
      • Mei

        January 8, 2026 at 12:53 pm

        I think you will never travel far, because you will find a place you like too much, with chickens and organic toilets and people playing guitar and drinking stinging nettle tea, and stay there forever! 😉

         
      • Kittyllama

        January 8, 2026 at 12:55 pm

        OMG, that sounds awesomesauce!!! 😀 😀 😀

         
      • Sarah

        January 8, 2026 at 12:58 pm

        ur not avin that on the farm wen we get it, rancid.

         
      • Ash

        January 8, 2026 at 1:01 pm

        Organic toilets are perfectly hygienic.

         
      • Sarah

        January 8, 2026 at 1:02 pm

        not the loos, the bludy netle tea and guitar mob.

         
      • Ash

        January 8, 2026 at 1:03 pm

        I thought you were going to live in the caravan, anyway?

         
      • Sarah

        January 8, 2026 at 1:04 pm

        dam rite an wen u get ur farm im takin it to america, cant stop me

         
      • Ash

        January 8, 2026 at 1:05 pm

        You’ll have to pass your driving test first, not to mention learn to drive with a trailer.

         
      • Sarah

        January 8, 2026 at 1:06 pm

        pieca shiz, I drive > you in me sleep.

         
      • Ash

        January 8, 2026 at 1:06 pm

        Incidentally, for anybody inclined to judge, I assure you all that my daughter knows how to spell, capitalise and punctuate her sentences perfectly, she’s only doing this to make me look like a negligent parent.

         
      • Sarah

        January 8, 2026 at 1:07 pm

        na, san anti capitlist statement, down wiv the uppr case!

         
      • AK_Hailstorm

        January 8, 2026 at 1:15 pm

        destory all punctuation

         
      • Jack

        January 8, 2026 at 2:03 pm

        Hey Sarah – we all heard a lot about you. You heading through New Jersey when you come to the US?

         
      • Sarah

        January 8, 2026 at 2:13 pm

        wasnt gonna why whats there?

         
      • Jack

        January 8, 2026 at 2:15 pm

        A whole lotta farms?

         

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